haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
