i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize