I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
