I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
