dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
