Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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