o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize