whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
