So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
is it fun? or sober?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
