I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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