It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
