Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
