those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
