can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize