Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize