I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
