I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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