dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
