Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she told me i tasted like america
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
