GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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