I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
