He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
