I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
