somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
