I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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