Jerry, you need to find god
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
