Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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