Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
