just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
