I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
