You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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