Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i drank out of a bidet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
