So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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