Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
