I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
