Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
