my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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