He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
