I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
