he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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