please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
