evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize