My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
