I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
