I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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