My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
