my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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