i already hear my dad disowning me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
