Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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