This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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