the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
