me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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