(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
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