bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
