overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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