you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
