Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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