This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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