i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
