Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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