she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
